Today I have: A LOT on my mind, A LOT that I want to fit into this post, and… A LOT of time. So there will be three parts of this post – each one with a different topic, but they’ll all sort of… link together in a way.
A few nights ago, I listened to part of a TED talk about shame, public humiliation, and also, empathy.
The lady giving the talk spoke of our global “culture of humiliation”. She pointed out that all of those gossip magazines that we see in stores are about shaming people. She said that the hacked documents that receive the most attention are private emails with the highest amount of public embarrassment value.
Brené Brown said that “Shame is the most powerful, master emotion. It’s the fear that we’re not good enough”.
“Shame can’t survive empathy.”
You just might’ve noticed that the title of this blog is Contented Perfectionist. You also might’ve noticed that, on my About page, I explain that “I am a perfectionist, and I am content”.
You’ve probably seen that there is yet another Brené Brown quote starting Part 2 of this post.
“Where perfectionism exists, shame is always lurking.”
Which means that because I am a perfectionist (and human); yes, I feel shamed, ashamed, embarrassed, humiliated, abashed, awkward, self conscious, red faced, mortified sometimes (I love Thesaurus.com)… EVERYBODY does (I don’t mean that everybody loves Thesaurus.com; I mean that everybody feels ashamed, embarrassed, humiliated, abashed, awkward, self conscious, red faced, & mortified sometimes).
For me, what Dr. Brown is saying is that people who want everything to be perfect (perfectionists) are sometimes driven by shame. By what people think. By the fear that they’re not good enough. By the fear that other people will think that they’re not good enough.
So remember that Brené Brown quote that I brought up earlier; “Shame is the most powerful, master emotion. It’s the fear that we’re not good enough” ? THAT is what I’m talking about with perfectionists. Maybe sometimes, perfectionists want everything they do/make to be perfect BECAUSE they don’t want to be publicly humiliated, and BECAUSE of that fear that they’re not good enough.
After all that, I’m going to bring up again that I am content. I am a Contented Perfectionist, which hopefully I’ll talk about in another post.
For the last part of this very long post, I want to reflect on Eve‘s amazing (and very recent) post, Truth Is. Please please please please go read it right now if you haven’t already – actually, go look at it even if you haven’t, or you probably won’t be able to understand the rest of this post.
I started Part 3 with ANOTHER Brené Brown quote: “You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.”
Eve said A LOT of very amazing and meaningful stuff, so I’ve just gotta say, Ditto. DITTO TO THE MAX (yes, you read that right. yes, I just wrote something very, very, utterly cheesy)!!!
A lot of bloggers (including me) avoid writing about the bad days, and their faults. As Eve put it:
Also, if you read the whole post: